Almost half these souls today
Standing queued at the SSA
Voted for that jaundiced bloke
Who has promised to revoke
The services they’re here to get
Without the single least regret
Careless or how much they paid
Regardless of the plans they made
All throughout their working years
To avoid the pain and tears
Spoken of in elder’s tales
Of the trials and travails
Before this social safety net
Made retirement a safe bet
All to give a tasty treat
To his buddies on Wall Steet.
Reblogged this on Dissident Murmurs.
LikeLike
on Redistribution: I like the Popeyan rhythm and rhyme. If you could make the last two lines more edgy somehow, you’ll really land a punch. It might be too tough. But the simile ‘tasty treat’ might be too too obvious and simple. Unless that’s deliberate. I seem to want an acceleration and climax and didn’t quite get it. But that could just be because my eyes are sore and I’ve been reading for hours.
Keep rhymin’!!! like the other stuff too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for both the well thought out critique and the complementary comparison to Alexander Pope! I am in total agreement about the relative weakness of the ending couplet. This, like almost all my blogged poetry is first draft wordplay. An expression of mood and moment from something observed or witnessed. I will continue to think on improvements. Thanks for reading.
LikeLike