Redistribution

Almost half these souls today

Standing queued at the SSA

Voted for that jaundiced bloke

Who has promised to revoke

The services they’re here to get

Without the single least regret

Careless or how much they paid

Regardless of the plans they made

All throughout their working years

To avoid the pain and tears

Spoken of in elder’s tales

Of the trials and travails 

Before this social safety net

Made retirement a safe bet

All to give a tasty treat

To his buddies on Wall Steet.

3 thoughts on “Redistribution

  1. on Redistribution: I like the Popeyan rhythm and rhyme. If you could make the last two lines more edgy somehow, you’ll really land a punch. It might be too tough. But the simile ‘tasty treat’ might be too too obvious and simple. Unless that’s deliberate. I seem to want an acceleration and climax and didn’t quite get it. But that could just be because my eyes are sore and I’ve been reading for hours.
    Keep rhymin’!!! like the other stuff too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for both the well thought out critique and the complementary comparison to Alexander Pope! I am in total agreement about the relative weakness of the ending couplet. This, like almost all my blogged poetry is first draft wordplay. An expression of mood and moment from something observed or witnessed. I will continue to think on improvements. Thanks for reading.

      Like

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