Teeth®️: A User’s Guide

Congratulations on your acquisition of Teeth®️!

Teeth®️, when used properly, in conjunction with Maxilla®️ and Mandibula®️ (each sold separately) provide the informed user with many invaluable benefits. With proper care, Teeth®️ will last for many years, perhaps even a lifetime (actual mileage may vary).

Disclaimer:

Failure to use Teeth®️ within their prescribed parameters or for purposes for which they were not designed may lead to irregular wear, improper fit, or sudden and abrupt failure resulting in extreme personal injury to the user and bystanders.

Although they may appear to be useful for unarmed combat, the use of Teeth®️ for this purpose is not intended. The provider of Teeth®️ neither recommend nor condone such use and the provider of Teeth®️ explicitly disclaims any liability for said use of Teeth®️.

Likewise, although Teeth®️ appear to act similarly to common household tools, like pliers, wrenches, vices, scissors or saws, the provider does not endorse Teeth®️ for any of these uses. Using Teeth®️ to perform any of the customary functions of any of these common household tools will void any explicit or implicit warranties associated with Teeth®️.

Proper use:

Teeth®️ are carefully designed for and intended to cut, pierce, chop, and/or grind common food items into a more easily swallowable paste. Please do not apply Teeth®️ to Non-food items. Doing so may damage Teeth®️ and/or Non-food items and will void any explicit or implicit warranty associated with Teeth®️.

To use Teeth®️ to process a food item for ease of swallowing, place food item between Teeth®️ and compress forcefully and repeatedly between Maxilla®️ and Mandibula®️ also available form your Teeth®️ supplier(each sold separately). Once a desired degree of mastication has been achieved, food item may be more easily swallowed.

Scheduled Cleaning and Routine Preventative Maintenance:

Teeth®️, like all other convenience accessories require daily user cleaning and routine maintenance from a provider certified Teeth®️ service agent in order to perform at optimum efficiency and to prevent premature failure. Failure to follow provider’s recommended cleaning and maintenance schedules will void any explicit or implicit warranty associated with Teeth®️.

Scheduled Cleaning:

The provider recommends that any user of Teeth®️ vigorously scrub Teeth®️ using an approved bristle brush of appropriate size and an approved abrasive paste cleaning agent (each sold separately; see accompanying product literature for detailed instructions on the proper use of these products) to clean Teeth®️ immediately following each and every session of use. Failure to follow provider’s scheduled cleaning guidelines will void any explicit or implicit warranty associated with Teeth®️.

Routine Preventative Maintenance:

The provider of Teeth®️ recommend that Teeth®️ be inspected and serviced by a provider certified service technician two (2) times each calendar year as long as the user continues to use Teeth®️ in order to assure that Teeth®️ remain in proper operating condition and to identify and repair any damage that may have occurred due to normal wear and tear, improper use, or failure to follow provider recommended scheduled cleaning of Teeth®️. Failure to follow provider’s recommended maintenance schedules will void any explicit or implicit warranty associated with Teeth®️.

Please remember that the use of Teeth®️ without accompanying accessories Maxilla®️, Mandibula®️, Esophagus®️, etc. (each sold separately) is not recommended by the provider, may significantly reduce the effectiveness of Teeth®️ for the mastication of food items, and detract from the user’s enjoyment of Teeth®️.

The provider of Teeth®️ would like to congratulate you, once again, on your choice to acquire Teeth®️. Please be sure to inquire with the provider for the necessary accompanying accessories, Maxilla®️, Mandibula®️, Esophagus®️, etc. (each sold separately) to maximize your dining pleasure.

Reflections on an Image #2

“Toking With Friends on a Balmy Evening”

This chair, to rest on,

Where fountain bubbles,

Provides a place

To soothe our troubles. 

We are weary.

The day was long.

Let’s shed our shoes;

Pull out the bong. 

Harvest buds

From yonder bush.

Though home grown,

It’s bubba kush! 

Friends will join us.

Around we’ll sit,

Circled up, 

While we get lit.

We’ll wile this evening away,

But tomorrow is another day,

But tomorrow is another day.

#NaPoWriMo Challenge

“Syd7t5” https://syd7t5.wordpress.com/ posted a #napowrimo challenge to take a line from someone else’s poem and take it in a whole new direction.  Here is my contribution to the literary universe…

“Stopped by Police on a Summer Evening”

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And all this struggle to stay awake 

Is quite enough to make me weep.

How much coffee will it take 

To give this drowsiness a shake.

Why’d I have to have that beer!

I just can’t give myself a break.

I’ve been driving for a year!

Why’s there not a bathroom near!

Damn! I really have to go.

But now I’ve something else to fear.

Whose lights those are I think I know,

God, I wonder what I’ll blow,

God, I wonder what I’ll blow.

Perhaps Christmas in Mordor?

Perhaps it just has been

A long, exhausting day

But as I lay in bed

Preparing for my slumber

A random thought intrudes

Upon my tired mind,

“Is it deeper meaning,

Or purely circumstance,

That the Nazgul number

Just so coincides 

With the number of

Flying reindeer hides?”

And I ask myself 

As I drift in wonder,

“Now that seems an odd thought

For a fleeting, late night ponder.”

And if that thought continues,

It only stands to reason

That Santa Claus IS Sauron

In Mordor’s twisted Christmas Season.

A Poet’s Lament

After running in place

for what seems like an age,

can’t I just lessen the pace

and scribble a word on this page?

Why must there always be work,

some urgently pressing demand,

a duty too vital to shirk

requiring my guiding hand?

Surely I will find some way

to invite my pen out to play

even if ending the day

I struggle for something to say!

In fact, it seems I’ve found time

to doodle this trivial rhyme.

A Matins Lament

After, raging, rude alarms

Drag me up from comfort’s pit,

Heated water pounding down 

Upon my weary upturned face

Just may be the perfect hit;

This dreary morning’s saving grace.

I wonder what would be the harm,

I know I dare not sit,

Of slipping back to that warm embrace

But now I’m up with things to do,

Rats to race-

Where’s my other shoe?

Thus another day’s begun.

Please, dear God, make it fun.

Playing With Power Tools

There are some tools

good poets use

when crafting verses

for the ages.

Rhythm and Rhyme

help keep the time

and also help keep 

them remembered.

Metaphors and similes

are often seen in homilies.

And Synecdoche

may be off key

yet still may be

the symphony.

Assonance

alone allows

ample alliteration.

Consonance

conveniently conveys 

constant clatter.

Meter, Meter!

Sure can’t beat her

when you want

a great repeater!

I’m sure there’s more 

that you can add;

if you do

I won’t be sad!