Surrounded By Humor Since Birth


Today, friends, is my son Ian’s 18th Birthday. I could not be prouder of the young man he has become. Smart, talented, and funny. I posted a humorous photo reenacting a picture of me holding him when he was a newborn today and an old friend reminded me of the gag I pulled on our family and friends waiting in the delivery room. I guess you could say, he as been surrounded by humor since birth.

Ian was overdue. We checked into the hospital very early in the morning to begin labor induction. Things did not progress swiftly. After 16 hours, Ellen was only dialated 4 centimeters. The doctor advised that it would likely be several more hours and gave Ellen an epidural. I went out to tell the waiting throng and asked my best friend, Lee, to go out to the house and feed the dogs.

 When I went back to the labor and delivery room, things were radically different! Ellen was crowning and within a half hour, Ian had been born! After they had cleaned him up and said it was ok to have family come back, the doctor and I were talking about how you can never predict these things. That is when the diabolical plan formed.

 I went back out to the waiting room and told our friends and family that things had really slowed down and the doctor thought it would be fine for everybody to come back and offer some encouragement and emotional support. I led the throng back into the L&D suite. The expressions on everybody’s faces were priceless! There was much confusion. Some people even thought the hospital had come up with some cutting edge program where they gave pregnant women other newborns to hold in order to stimulate delivery! Once reality dawned, there was much love and laughter. It seemed the perfect way to celebrate the end of 18 long hours of labor and the birth of our son.  

Thank you all for being there with us and especial thanks to Lee, who missed it all because he was taking care of our dogs!

Reflections on an Image #2

“Toking With Friends on a Balmy Evening”

This chair, to rest on,

Where fountain bubbles,

Provides a place

To soothe our troubles. 

We are weary.

The day was long.

Let’s shed our shoes;

Pull out the bong. 

Harvest buds

From yonder bush.

Though home grown,

It’s bubba kush! 

Friends will join us.

Around we’ll sit,

Circled up, 

While we get lit.

We’ll wile this evening away,

But tomorrow is another day,

But tomorrow is another day.

Innocent Teen Exchange or Flagrant Innuendo

Stage Scene:
A father and his teenage son sit in a restaurant dining. Teenage waitress approaches:
Waitress: “Sir? Are you enjoying your salad?”
Father: “It’s quite good, thanks.”
Waitress turns to Son-
Waitress: “And how’s your ‘Big Nasty’?”
Son: “Pretty Good I guess. I’ve never had any complaints.”
Waitress: “It looks pretty good. I want to try it but, honestly, it’s kind of intimidating.”
Son: “It’s supposed to be intimidating but I promise you, it’s worth the effort.”
Waitress: “Thanks. I’ll give it a try.”
Son: “Good choice. You won’t regret it.”
Waitress departs-
Father: “Dude, I’m right here… and I’m your dad!”
Son sprays Iced Tea from his nose…

Animal Animus

CAUTION: The following poem is rated PG-13 for the following:

Religion
Sarcasm
Profanity
Cynicism
Naked Hostility
Alcohol Reference
Scatological reference
And plain, old fashioned, bad manners

Parental Discretion is Strongly Advised
(assuming you can still find some)

And now, our featured presentation:

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT:

For the next 8 lines, this blog will be conducting a test of the emergency, hostile metaphor, early warning system. This is only a test:

You can lead the Ass to water
But you can not make him drink.

You can show the Bitch the truth
But you can not make her think.

The Ass will do just as he pleases!
The Bitch insists her shit don’t stink!

Those who deal with either loses!
They would drive a Saint to Drink!

This has been a test of the emergency, hostile metaphor, early warning system. In the event of an actual hostile metaphor emergency, there would be no warning before repeated deployment of the F-bomb and categorical denial after the fact!
This concludes this test of the emergency, hostile metaphor, early warning system. We now return you to the regularly scheduled blog already in progress.